fail life fail fail fail fail
must.... study...............

this isn't fair.
you're not allowed to get mad at me
for something like this.

i don't understand.

Blank stares at blank pages
No easy way to say this
You mean well, but you make this hard on me

I learned the hard way
That they all say things you want to hear
My heavy heart sinks deep down under you
And your twisted words, your help just hurts
You are not what I thought you were
Hello to high and dry


^{sara bareilles - love song}

have your damn moon.

you don't need me, i don't think, for all your "want to visit"s and "i miss you"s. which don't really come that often anyway.

i'll still love you
but i really can't believe in you anymore
this time

leechblocking everything and giving up soda and chips, it's all the same, in a way. it's a test to see how strong i am........ though obviously, i am not very strong if i need to rely on leechblock.

but maybe now i'll be able to concentrate.

eeeeee i'm really doing this.
how exciting!

it only makes sense, she says.
it only makes sense if you know me.

but i do, he protests. he's hurt; this is love, to him anyway.

it can be love anyway, she laughs.
it can be love but you don't know me.


when he asks, says, tells, when he's serious, she laughs.
she laughs a lot. a lot, but it doesn't reach her heart.

ridiculous, he tells his friends.
i have to get out of this relationship, he says.
b-b-b-but he can't. head over heels, and she knows it too.
(better than he does, yeah.)


poison kisses in the rain, you were calling out my name
laughin' like the joke was on me

you're like a drug, he tells her.
(addicted to you, he almost says, but.
it gives her too much power, he thinks so he doesn't.)
she smiles, she says i know, she says i know.


wake up, hit the floor
oh no, where'd you go

he still swears (but only to his friends) that he will.
leave her, yeah, he says. yeah, she's bad business.


(but in his heart he knows he can't)

i'm sorry
, i understand so much better now
because i know what it's like.

i'm sorry sorry sorry.

hontou ni ii kanji da yo naaaaa.

WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE WANT TO WRITE

i dunno why the fuck you keep pretending like you care. :\

juuuuuudeeeeee juudeeeeee juuuudeeeeeee juuuudeeee .





apathetic.?

here we go round the prickly pear
prickly pear prickly pear
here we go round the prickly pear
at five o'clock in the morning.

between the idea
and the reality
between the motion
and the act
falls the shadow
                             for thine is the kingdom

between the conception
and the creation
between the emotion
and the response
falls the shadow
                             life is very long

between the desire
and the spasm
between the potency
and the existence
between the essence
and the descent
falls the shadow
                             for thine is the kingdom

for thine is
life is
for thine is the

this is the way the world ends
this is the way the world ends
this is the way the world ends
not with a bang but a whimper.

<sup>the hollow men, t. s. eliot



note to self; 080608 chat</sup>

no.

hahahahhahahahhaaahh

the intrigue of this is less writing
a) to myself; b) things i only want some people to see
- i could always do that on a private or filtered entry.

no, the intrigue is in the chance that somebody could find this journal.
and wonder who i really am. but the paranoia of that is probably why none of these entries are coherent.

..to be honest, i am just not a very coherent person.

i know it will probably all be okay in the end;
rex will get over it (what? i will get over it)
and i will have fun, make new friends, and all that junk.

but still.. right now, all i can think is nonononononono.

(and who am i kidding, hahahahahahahahahahahahhaa.)

..i better at least have a laptop.

사랑해사랑해사랑해사랑해사랑해사랑해사랑해사랑해사랑해사랑해사랑해사랑해사랑해사랑해사랑해사랑해사랑해사랑해사랑해사랑해.

foreverforeverforever.

thank you for everything

상처
(when you cry cry)




---

괜찮아요 cause i understand




---

you're still. beautiful to me

get yo junk out mah ear .

you just don't get it, you know.